


The Cookie Incident

by SparklePuppy



Series: Dysfunction Junction [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Cookies, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-08
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2019-08-20 11:32:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16554968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SparklePuppy/pseuds/SparklePuppy
Summary: Otabek was more of a baker than a cook, so his roommates allowed him to skip out of the nightly dinner rotation if he made them tasty baked treats once a week.**Rated T for swearing**





	The Cookie Incident

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my NaNoWriMo 2018 project, Dysfunction Junction. It's a series of shorts set in YOI. They're borderline crack. And I'm so far behind on word count that I have almost no hope of actually meeting my goal. Oh well. C'est la vie.

The roommates took turns cooking dinner. Yuuri made Japanese dishes for his friends. Phichit enjoyed showing off his knowledge of unhealthy American cuisine. Christophe treated each meal as if he was the chef of a five-star restaurant. Victor usually forgot it was his turn to cook and ended up ordering delivery. Yuri would delight his roommates with his homemade piroshkis. Otabek was more of a baker than a cook, so his roommates allowed him to skip out of the nightly dinner rotation if he made them tasty baked treats once a week.

His specialty was --

“WHO TOOK MY FUCKING COOKIES!!!” The youngest roommate shrieked.

Victor and Yuuri peered around the doorjamb into the kitchen wide-eyed. “There were cookies? But Otabek’s not supposed to bake until Saturday?” Yuuri tilted his head in confusion. He ignored Victor’s hand prodding him to approach the irate Russian first. He pinched his lover’s butt cheek and pushed him forwards hastily.

“I didn’t know!” Victor quickly held up his hands placatingly when green eyes whirled on him.

“Beka made me a batch of those sugar cookies I like. I had them hidden in a protein powder tin.” Yuri shuffled across the counter on his knees inspecting each upper cupboard as he reached it. “I had it in that shelf.” He pointed to the small shelf above the fridge before jumping to the floor. Crossing his arms over his chest, he poked his lip out in a pout. 

Victor moved forward to look through the cupboards himself. None of them enjoyed dealing with a pouty Yura. It was worse than an angry Yura. “Why did you hide them?”

“To keep all of you greedy bastards from taking them. That’s why. And obviously, I was right to do it. Was it you? Your cheeks are fuller.” The teenager narrowed his eyes at Yuuri.

“NO! I just got back from a trip home Yurio. You know my mom feeds me katsudon as much as she can when I’m home.” Yuuri’s mouth fell into a pout as well. He tugged self-consciously at the hem of his t-shirt. He knew that he had gained weight on his vacation. He didn’t need the Russian Punk crassly reminding him.

That Punk pounced on the back of an unsuspecting roommate that strolled into the kitchen to find a post-practice snack. “What did you do with my cookies you hamster freak?” He locked his legs around the waist of the Thai skater and pounded his fists into his back.

“Ow, damn. What cookies? I didn’t know about any cookies! Beka made those puffy things last week.” Phichit struggled to remove his unwanted passenger and protect himself from the blows at the same time.

“If you’re lying to me I’m going to drown one of your rats while you sleep tonight!” Yuri spat as Victor calmly pried him off their helpless roommate.

“They’re hamsters!” Phichit wailed and ran from the room.

Yuuri shook his head. “I don’t think he’d do that Yura. Is it possible the can got misplaced?”

“No! I always put the can right there!”

“What has Phichit so stressed out? He’s snuggling all his hamsters.” Chris sauntered into the kitchen carrying a now empty protein powder container. He laughed when a growling Yuri launched himself at him. “What’s this now? Little kitten’s got his claws out.”

“Those were MY cookies! Beka made them just for me!” Yuri attempted to scratch at the older man’s face. He growled as he was wrestled to the ground and pinned there. He stopped struggling and covered his face with his hands when his anger turned to sadness. Beka had made those cookies for him because they were his favorite of all the treats that the Kazakh skater made. They were perfect to eat with a cup of coffee or hot tea, just sweet enough but not too sweet. This special batch had even been cut with a kitten-shaped cutter. Just for him. A pitiful moan escaped. “I just want my fucking cookies.”

Yuuri and Victor hauled Christophe up. “Apologize,” Victor hissed.

“He shouldn’t have been hiding cookies,” Chris responded petulantly.

The Japanese man glared at him before behind to help Yuri off the floor. “Beka made those special for him. They weren’t for everyone,” he scolded gently before ushering the younger Yuri from the kitchen. They could hear him muttering soothing things as they left.

“Oh, come on,” Chris snorted when Victor glared at him.

“You know how sensitive Yura is when it comes to all things Beka. You had to know Beka made those cookies. And he's not even here to make Yurio more. He won't be back from Kazakhstan until Wednesday. Find a way to make this right.” The eldest house member turned away shaking his head.

Chris sat on a stool and pouted. He hadn’t meant to steal the precious cookies. He had grabbed the protein powder container thinking that it truly contained powder. He had wanted to make a milkshake and was convinced that if he added protein powder then it wasn’t just a sweet, it was healthy for him so he wasn’t breaking his diet. He sighed and put his chin on a fist as he considered what to do. Remembering one specific cookie cutter that had come in the set he had purchased to make cookies for his former next door neighbor’s brother’s roommate’s bachelor party that he had managed to wrangle an invite to, he pulled his phone out to do some research.

~*~

Christophe took a bracing breath before knocking on the door of the bedroom shared by the two youngest roommates. He rapped his knuckles on the door. He waited so long for a response he began to wonder if Yuri had left while he was baking without him noticing. “What?” A subdued voice finally questioned as he was about to take the plate holding his cookies back to the kitchen.

“Yura? I made you some cookies.” He shifted from foot to foot while he waited for the boy to open the bedroom door.

A pair of green eyes glared at him through a gap of just a few inches. “You made me cookies?”

“I’m sorry that I took your cookies. I made a new batch. They’re not as meaningful as Otabek’s, probably don’t taste as good either, but they are edible.” He held out the plate with a towel draped across it.

“Did you eat one?”

“I fed one to Makkachin. She hasn’t died yet so they must be edible.” He shook his head.

Yuri snorted. “Do not tell Victor you gave his precious dog a human cookie if you want to live till tomorrow.”

Chris grinned. “I won’t. So… Forgiven?” He held out the plate closer to the gap in the door.

“No, but I appreciate the effort you put into apologizing by making me cookies.” The younger man reached for the plate. Chris bit the inside of his cheek to keep from grinning when Yuri uncovered his works of art. The young man stared at the shapes before him. All of the cookies were shaped like people having sex. Specifically, two men having sex, one standing behind and thrusting into another that was leaning forward. They even had smiles on their faces. His lip twitched before he caught the desire to snicker at the juvenile lewdness. “What the fuck are these?” He demanded finally raising his gaze to glare at the man before him.

“Fucking cookies.” Christophe laughed.

“Tch. You're a damn child.” Yuri slammed the bedroom door in his face.

The older man twirled on the spot. He had seen Yuri fighting back a smile so he felt his mission was accomplished. The plate of cookies had disappeared into the bedroom with him so Christophe thanked himself for the foresight to make a double batch. “Yoohoooo! Everyone, come get my fucking cookies!” He called to alert the other roommates before hurrying back to the kitchen to get one for himself.

**Author's Note:**

> The story was inspired by this image.
>
>> [Someone probably told her to bring "Fucking cookies."](//imgur.com/pi6pz)


End file.
